A K Rool Khristmas
by G-Pool
Summary: King K. Rool's plan to steal the crystal coconut goes awry when a holy spirit comes to town.


The snow is gently falling onto the treetops of Kongo Bongo. It's Christmas Eve and all the Kong's are celebrating at Cranky's lab for the yearly party. The lab is covered in lights made from Cranky's different colored beakers. DK, Diddy, Funky, Candy, and even Bluster made it out to enjoy the season. Everyone is enjoying the food and each other's company with a big grin on all of their faces. Far off from the lab however, is the den of a reptile who doesn't seem to have anything to smile about.

Taking his eye away from his gigantic telescope King K. Rool scoffs at the fun and joy all the Kongs are having.

"What's wrong your majesty?" asks Klump, the King's general and right hand Kremling.

K. Rool looks back into the telescope to watch his foes enjoy their night.

"It's those cursed Kongs again" he replies, "Every year it's the same thing, all this love and affection towards one another, it's all just a ploy to trick that old Saint Nik into sneaking into their house at night and bringing them gifts for absolutely nothing!"

Klump holds his hands together

"Well sire, it may not be much but the other Kremlings and I did pull something together-"

"Unless you've got that Crystal Coconut then I am not interested!" K. Rool interrupts.

zooms closer into the party with his telescope to admire the Crystal Coconut that he so longed for. Suddenly a light bulb appears over his head and he lifts himself up in the shock of his own genius.

"That's it!" he shouts.

"W-what's it, sir?" Klump replies.

"Tell me something Klump," the King begins. "What's the one thing that people expect, nay, look forward to every single Christmas?"

Klump scratches his head.

"A new army helmet, sir?"

"No no no," K. Rool states. A grin crawls across as his face.

"Home Invasion"

The Christmas party has come to a close and all of the Kongs have made their way back to their homes. Donkey Kong and Diddy have left out banana bread and milk for the coming arrival of the man himself. The lights at the lab are just now turned off, and in a nearby bush the Kremling king pops out in a big read suit with a bushy white beard over his jaw. Klump and Krusha pop out of the same bush behind him.

"Alright you two, follow me" K. Rool whispers to his lot, who nod in unison.

The espionage team tip toes their way to the lab, ever so slowly making their way to their destination. They reach the building entrance, K. Rool slowly peeking his eyes through the open doorway to see his prize. There it is, lying there in front of him. The Crystal Coconut on the pedestal in the middle of the lab. The king turns to face his men.

"You two stay out here and keep watch, we can't have anyone catching on to us." He tells them.

The Kremling king makes his way inside. His prize is within his grasp. Suddenly he felt a hand grasp his shoulder, quickly turning around to... nothing. K. Rool scratched his head in confusion before turning back around. Suddenly before him was a massive, translucent, white primate floating gently off the ground.

"Who are you!?" K. Rool demanded.

"Me Eddie," the ethereal being claimed "The Guardian Angel Yeti"

K. Rool attempted to shove past the holy yeti but has taken aback when his claw passed right through him.

"You not Santa." Eddie began. "You not appreciate the reason for season. Come with Eddie"

Eddie grabbed the green beast by the wrist and began to fly away. Soon the two were flying high above the trees. K. Rool was panicking as he realized the only thing keeping him from plummeting hundreds of feet was the yeti's grip.

"W-where are you taking me!?" K. Rool screamed.

"To show you" replied Eddie the guardian angel yeti. "To show you true meaning of Christmas"

The two arrived outside of DK's house, floating in a nearby tree. K. Rool was getting impatient, but he could do nothing to break free from Eddie's ghostly grip.

"So you're telling me the 'reason for the season' is to stay up and watch my greatest foe catch some z's?" K. Rool asked, annoyed at the situation.

"Sshhhh" Eddie whispered. "He's here"

The two watched as a group of reindeer descended from the sky, pulling a large red sleigh. Inside that sleigh was a large, jolly man clad in red clothing. He dug through his large sack and pulled out what was clearly a large barbell wrapped in colorful paper. The man carried it and disappeared into the house.

"Ah yes, the spirit of Christmas. Greed. Pride, and all sorts of other sins." K. Rool scoffed at the sight.

"No no no" Eddie replied. "DK wish for heavy stick, so DK become strong and protect Kongo Bongo. DK want something that help friends."

K. Rool looked absolutely bored. At this point he would take the fall to his death rather than see any more. Eddie pulled the king and the two once again flew off. This time they rested outside of the voluptuous Candy Kong's home. As the man in red touched down, just as he did the last stop, he reached into his sack once more and pulled out another package. This one brought a certain scent to the air, which K. Rool recognized.

"What kind of stupid idiot woman asks for bananas for Christmas? They are everywhere here." he stated.

"No no no" Eddie replied. "Candy no want banana for her. Candy want banana to give to DK. Candy value giving over getting."

"Oh please," K. Rool began. "It's the time of year that you get anything you want, and you choose to give something away? She clearly has some ulterior motive behind this. I mean look at how she dresses every day, she is that kind of woman."

"Eddie is feminist," said the ethereal angel. "If you woman bash again Eddie will bash your fucking skull into a thousand pieces in one punch."

K. Rool said nothing, but the message had gotten across. Once again the two had taken off and now find themselves outside of Bluster Barrelworks. Looking in through a window they can see Bluster Kong, laying on his side and furiously running his hand up and down his shaft. Beating himself off to a photo of Candy Kong that looks to be taken from the worst possible angle and printed at the smallest resolution a photo could be printed and still be somewhat recognizable.

"You really wanted to show me this?" K. Rool asks, disgusted at the sight of the tight wad's tight rod.

"No no no" Eddie replied. "Bluster is bad ape, and as such should feel bad. Look"

Eddie the guardian angel yeti points up to show K. Rool Santa's sleigh yet again, this time hovering over the establishment. He opens a large bag and dumps out pounds and pounds of black coal, that all pour down into the facility. The coal fills up the building and Bluster is pushed up against the window, incapable of any movement until the next work day when an employee comes to open the front door and lets the coal pour out.

"Ok I think I've had enough." K. Rool states. "I do not care about any of these people, so the messages you have shown me do not sink in in the slightest, now please bring me back to the lab so I may take the Crystal Coconut and rule over Kongo Bongo with an iron claw."

Eddie the guardian angel yeti sighed.

"Eddie didn't want to do this."

Eddie pulls K. Rool down with him, the two fly at near mach speed heading closer and closer to the ground. K. Rool screamed at the top of his lungs as the two somehow passed through the ground without colliding. They traveled through sheets of dirt and bedrock. Eventually the careening came to a screeching halt. K. Rool uncovered his eyes and took it all in. There was lava flowing everywhere, spikes and other torturous equipment lying around, and thousands upon thousands of screams coming from everyone below them.

"W-w-what is going on!? Why am I here?" K. Rool asked.

"This where those who don't appreciate Christmas go." stated Eddie. "Where all cursed souls reside for all time."

K. Rool was visibly horrified. He had never seen something so terrifying. He even recognized a few former faces from his militia. Was this the fate that he had led these kremlings down? He began to tear up.

"Oh please spirit!" the king pleaded. "I can't stand the sight any longer! I'll change my ways, please give me a second chance! Oh please I beg of you!"

Eddie the guardian angel yeti looked down upon the Kremling King. He stared blankely for what seemed like an eternity.

"Ok" Eddie exclaimed

Suddenly K. Rool snapped up. He quickly surveyed the area and realized he was back at his throne, with his large telescope in front of him.

"W-w-what happened?" The king asked.

"Uh, you were watching the Kong's enjoy Christmas and the passed out, your majesty." Klump answered.

"Klump!" K. Rool screamed. "It's you! I really am back!"

Klump simply scratched his head in confusion.

"So uh," Klump began. "Are we invading Kongo Bongo sir?"

K. Rool looked towards his underling.

"You know what Klump, we're taking Christmas off this year. That coconut will still be there when we're ready to take it. Go on and tell everyone the news."

"Sir yes sir!" Klump saluted, heading off to meet the troops.

K. Rool looked through his telescope one last time. Up in the sky he sees Eddie the guardian angel yeti flying high and laughing. K. Rool clenches his fist.

"You've won this round you cursed specter of the night, but I'll be ready for you next year. Just you wait."

With that K. Rool gets up from his throne and heads to bed, ready to dream about his next attempt at world domination.

The End


End file.
